In 2002, Dee's sister Juli was murdered by her estranged husband in front of her two young children. This senseless act of domestic violence left Dee changed forever. She knew that she had to do something. In April of 2019 - on Juli's birthday - Dee hit the trail to hike across America and spread the word about domestic violence awareness. As Dee knows, DV thrives when we don't talk about it. Join us as we talk about Dee's journey, what she saw, who she met, and most importantly - what she learned about herself if the process.
In 2002, Dee's sister Juli was murdered by her estranged husband in front of her two young children. This senseless act of domestic violence left Dee changed forever. She knew that she had to do something. In April of 2019 - on her Juli's birthday - Dee hit the trail to hike across America and spread the word about domestic violence awareness. As Dee knows, DV thrives when we don't talk about it. Join us as we talk about Dee's journey, what she saw, who she met, and most importantly - what she learned about herself if the process.
For more information, or to get in touch with Dee
My website is deegoesfromtrialtotrail.com
Email address is deegoesfromtrialtotrail@gmail.com
DOC-Dee-Domestic-Violence.mp3
[00:00:00] This podcast tells the journey of my friend who's called Dee. She hiked across the country to spread awareness about DV. Sometimes things happen in ways we can't fathom. Lives of those we love. Cut short in senseless acts of wilful abandon. What we do with these lessons determines our ability to heal and can bring goodness' forward in ways that help make solutions real. Dee lost her sister, which impacted and changed her forever. She took her pain and sorrow and transformed it into passion, her strength and determination. A parent by her action. Julie will live on through d desire to make this world better. Walking a path of healing and memory that proves what we do matters when women experienced tragedy. Our instinct is to nurture Turnour anguish outwards to help change the future. Dee is doing this with each breath, every day. From tears to trial to trail. Each step of the way. Let's celebrate each other. Stay aware and informed. Keep it moving forward. So some day domestic violence will no longer be a norm.
[00:01:21] Welcome to the Daughters of Change podcast. I'm your host. Solar. Each week we'll be bringing you stories from around the globe of the women and girls who are changing the world, each in their own unique way.
[00:01:44] Hi, everybody, welcome to this week's Daughters of Change podcast. And I'm so excited because I've got D in the studio, D is in the house and we're going to get into exactly who is in a minute.
[00:01:58] But let's just suffice to say that I have not seen her face since high school and I think we just have one. I like 4th reunion or something.
[00:02:06] Right. Wow. All right.
[00:02:08] But I've been communicating with her via Facebook lives. We've been telling her story about her journey. So just to step back for a minute and then I'm going to let d tell you a little bit about herself and why she did what she did.
[00:02:24] But this woman has just walked across the country, hiked. Let me say hiked, because like she wasn't walking down the road. She was like in the terrain with like beasties and wildness. And there were probably snakes and lions and tigers and bears and stuff.
[00:02:39] She hiked the American Discovery Trail, which is from California to Delaware. Correct. And she left in April and just arrived back in Maine a couple of weeks ago. So this is so cool. So we're going to talk to Dee now about why she did this, what she experienced along the way. Her journey. What she's learned and whatever else comes up. So d foreign. You're welcome. Welcome. Can you tell the people listening a little bit about yourself and why you decided to hike across the country?
[00:03:20] So the reason why I decided to walk across the country was to raise awareness for domestic violence. My sister was murdered by her estranged husband. And while this happened in 2002, it has obviously changed my life forever, my family's life forever. And I just felt that. Well, the years would go by. I still didn't have my sister to call on a birthday Christmas holidays or just to share a funny story because she and I would get to laughing on the phone. She lived in Florida. I lived in Maine. And we would often have phone conversations that. I would say that the conversation lasted for 45 minutes, half hour of it was just us laughing and not being able to get word in edgewise and we had hang up on a very happy note. So so that always kind of bothered me that I couldn't pick up the phone and tell Julie a very funny story that only she would appreciate and get for me. And and so after so many years, I just felt like there's something I could do. And what it was I really did now and I was in, you know, is taking jobs they really didn't care about. I just felt kind of lost for all these years. And I started picking up day hiking and I picked up my camera, Kevin, and carried on talking about it.
[00:04:49] You don't get of this podcast without talking about why it's called to, but keep going.
[00:04:53] So Kevin and I would go on our many hikes and the camera was my creative outlet and enjoyed it. So a friend of mine had we were talking on the phone one day and she's telling her, I'm just bored. You know, I don't like these jobs. They're not offering me anything as far as you know. I just felt stagnant. And that's when she suggested that I combine my my passions of hiking and photography. And I'm like, well, then what she does?
[00:05:26] Well, hike across the country. Yeah. Yeah. How y-. Yeah, that can that's a natural thing.
[00:05:35] Well it's what you know, twelve hours later I'm texting her and saying I'm in. You know, this is it was really that quick. And then in less than a year I was actually on the trail in California wearing a very heavy backpack and a hiking cart which later got ditched. But that just was not conducive to the trails I was on, but never having been backpacking before. And, you know, spending nights, you know, in my tent, in everything, that everything was a new challenge. Every single day there was a new challenge coming on.
[00:06:11] So with Daughters of Change, one of my personal hot buttons or one of the things that I endeavor to work on is domestic violence and domestic violence awareness. And so d- had been keeping up with me on Facebook, and I think you'd seen some of the posts for the domestic violence awareness campaign I'd been doing in Maine. And she reached out to me on Facebook, I-N, and she's like, I don't know if you remember me. I'm like, Yeah, course I do. And we just reconnected. And she told me I didn't know about Julie. Right. And, you know, she told me the story and into me, I'm going to hike across the country and I'm like, oh, all right.
[00:06:53] I. There was a reason I loved you.
[00:06:55] And I knew she was gonna do it right. So we started doing some Facebook lives and kept up with D along the journey. But we reconnected and it rekindled this great friendship. And when she first said she was going to do it, I'm like, oh, my God, like, is she really going to do this right? And dammit, she did it right. So April on Julie's birthday, right? Yeah. When you left. And and I think one of the the pictures here that people may not have is that on your backpack was this huge sign.
[00:07:29] And what it didn't say, check across America, raising awareness to end domestic violence. I think that's what it said.
[00:07:37] So you had that big sign and that the journey was called D goes from trial to trial. Yes. Yeah. Which is really, you know, it's beautiful. It describes it. Right? Exactly.
[00:07:49] I mean, from the trial from the trial that we had to go to, the family had to go to to, you know, him killing her and having to go through, you know, what led up to it. And I mean, that was the trial that led me to the trial.
[00:08:06] Right. And then the internal trial. Right. Exactly. 'Cause you're this as you said, this impacted your whole family and her children is probably his family. Exac, you know, and people that knew and loved everybody involved. Right. So I think that's what people forget about domestic violence. They and understandably. But I think people think it's just something that happens within the home, behind closed doors. But the impact that domestic violence has on the community, on the families of the perpetrators and and the people that I hate to use the word victims, but exactly. The people that have have, you know, been victimized and then were that ripple effect goes, you know, and it's one of those things that if we don't talk about it, it drives. Right?
[00:08:52] Exactly. Silence is the ally. Yeah. You know, that's the abusers ally. Yeah. Is that making sure ensuring that the that the vic. It doesn't say anything to co-workers or to, you know, family members.
[00:09:06] It's the manipulation is right there and there. I just read recently that I won't say I don't know the percentage, but a lot of these workplace shootings. Yeah, often is due because of domestic violence.
[00:09:24] Yes. And I also read somewhere that oftentimes the mass shooters have a history of domestic violence, even if they're not targeting somebody. And and a really, really impactful. There were kind of two really impactful things that were said to me by people that work in the field. And one was this woman, Kit Grell, who has this unbelievable documentary called Private Violence. And if you haven't seen it, find it and watch it. And I talked to her prior to starting the domestic violence awareness campaign, asking some advice. She's not in the state of Maine. I'm just, you know. Do you think this is needed who she contact in? And she said to me, if I had a nickel for every nice guy. That murdered his wife or his family. I'd be rich, and that just came up for me when you were talking about how the abuser thrives in silence, so many times this happens and people go, oh, he was a nice guy, right? Like, I had no idea. Like people expect it's like serial killers, right. People think they're going to look like Charles Manson, but we'll sheril killers people open the door and invite them in. Right. Tackling. And so with abusers, it's they're often not violent to other people.
[00:10:38] In general, they're there. Abuse is systematic and and power and control within their interpersonal relationships. Right, actually. So that was really telling to me. And the other was for the side of a person that's experiencing domestic violence, that if somebody, you know, people say, why did she stay, why did he stay? Why did they stay? And they start to blame the victim. Oh, I would never do that. Right. Well, some of the strongest women and people that I've met are people that have been through this and survived and they weren't shrinking violet. Right. So if what was said to me was if if one of these people typically men. I'm not saying it's always men, but if one of these men is how was said to me is has you in their sights. It's gonna be up to you to figure out how to get away from them. So it's you know, I came close I came really close to a really scary, scary situation dating somebody that we would've thought was the nicest person in the world. And thankfully, you know my lips to God's ears. I found out before, you know, I figured it out. Something happened to make him blow really early on and scare me right now.
[00:11:49] And that's that's part of the that is the big issue is that, you know, with the silence being his ally, it's just what we don't know what he's whispering in her ear. Yeah. When the doors closed. Yeah. You know. Or what he's doing. Is he kind? You know, her workplace and saying, you know, I can't let you in now that she's a little nutso. And well, you know, oftentimes she loses her job. And, you know, that's, you know, his form, his way of, you know, keeping her, you know, close at hand. So and it's all over the place. It's not just, you know, the physical, you know, where you can see the broken bones, the bruises and whatnot. But it's the financial abuse. It's huge. Yet the emotional abuse, it's there.
[00:12:37] It's a huge umbrella. Yeah, it is. And it doesn't typically I mean, I think every case is probably different. But my my guess is from what I've seen, the majority of situations, it doesn't start where somebody goes out on the first date and the guy smacks him and they go, oh, gee, I'm going back for more. I mean, it it's they groom. They groom. Yes. OK. So that's what manipulators do. That's what people that prey on people do, whether it's pimps, whether it's, you know, abusers, molesters, they groom the person that they're going after. They are they prey on people.
[00:13:12] Exactly. And, you know, you hit it before when you know the victims. These victims, my sister, you would never, ever, if you met her, would never think that she could possibly be a victim of domestic violence. She was a very strong willed person. And you would just you wouldn't use that word victim next to her name. Now, I met this lovely woman and Council Grove, Kansas, and. That little town. And this woman, Christy, she lost her daughter, Jana. And Jana was actually a an advocate for women with domestic violence. And she was in her first year of law school. And I met this other woman who lost her daughter, shared her daughter, was pregnant, seven, eight months pregnant, lost her daughter and her unborn grandson. And another very strong willed young lady. And I guess what I'm trying to say is that domestic violence, there are no boundaries there. They domestic violence affects the affluent and the poor. And there's just no boundaries anywhere. Domestic violence doesn't discriminate.
[00:14:28] Yeah, it doesn't. It really doesn't. And so you met the terms of your journey.
[00:14:34] You met some really cool people on the way. So let's talk about your experience doing this. So. OK. Everything was new for you in terms of like, you know, setting up the tent and all that. Just. But what about the human person to person bonding and experiences? Talk about that. Because that I mean, just the fact that people wasn't just blown away. And I know you had a lot of random acts of kindness so silently. So talk about that because that was so cool. Yeah. And I you know, it wasn't so much the trail.
[00:15:03] It was the people on the trail that made my journey. The crazy, wonderful love. But necessary journey for me to take. But these these random acts of kindness from strangers just amazed me and blew me away every single day. And kindness is prevalent in this world. It exists. And the whole time is on the trail. Really? Nothing bad? Nothing. I didn't run into any mean people. I mean, I ran at some guys that absolutely fused to help me in the pouring rain, but that was probably a good thing. Yeah. Absolutely. Now there's that I'm a kind of thinking that is maybe it that's a sign right then. But I was angry at the time. Yeah. I was pissed. Yeah.
[00:15:47] If you guys here in case you're listening, you are not Daughters of Change began with you from this podcast. We need you not here. Yeah. They just.
[00:15:56] Was there is that. I was at a fair in as camped out in the fair and they'd been all drinking beer and playing cornhole so we could get to the story.
[00:16:09] I wonder why you were camping at the fair. But keep going because they had a stall available for me. Well, there you go. But for forever. So.
[00:16:20] But I mean, other than them refusing to help me with my my tent got flooded out and I needed to get to higher ground. And I ran up to these three men, three different men, and they absolutely refused to help me. And I guess they just had corn cornhole on the brain.
[00:16:40] Yeah.
[00:16:41] And then in another, I went to this person's house. This is driving sideways rain with thunder and the lightning. It's not like main thunderstorms. I mean, this went on all night long and I was pounding on different doors, trying to get somebody to help me in any way. And then I remembered that that post office lobbies stay open for 24/7. Okay. So I plugged all my stuff. I had it run back and forth, back and forth, get all my stuff and into the post office lobby. And that's where I put down my sleeping bag pad.
[00:17:18] Here you go. And this really tiny cold post office. But, you know, that was very resourceful of you. You remember that?
[00:17:32] Well, it's funny. You know, you have to be resourceful when you're out there, just like a victim of domestic violence needs to be resource. There you go. Yes. You need to have your wits about you. You need to be resourceful in those situations. Yeah. That's a really good analogy. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of parallels. Yeah, but you read it too. But most of the people were really. Oh yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. God. But I.
[00:17:54] That's a great story. I like that. It is. Yeah. It's. I would say overall. Absolutely. Hands down, kindness wins. And it was whether I was walking.
[00:18:09] If I was in a diner or if, you know, I just happened to be walking on the street. You know? You know, people stopping, giving me their spirit, you know, spare change. So I can get some water. Or if I walked into a diner, you know, somebody anonymously would, you know, buy my dinner or like that, or if the owner of the tavern was there and all on me, you know, just, you know, what you're doing is a good thing.
[00:18:35] And whenever I could, I'd always give these establishments a shout out. Yeah. You gotta stop in here. These these folks treated me well. So, yeah, I mean, it's the kindness is out there. And I think people for the most part want to be kind and do great things. And but we never hear about it, unfortunately.
[00:18:51] Here we hear about that. We hear about all the the bullshit. Yeah, exactly. The nastiness. Do that. You know, after having something happen to your fellow, like what happened, Julie?
[00:19:04] Did this help to restore your faith in people and the world? You know, as a whole, like the energy that's out there?
[00:19:12] Absolutely. I'm I'm usually when I when I meet people, I will find the good a. I tend to lean towards the light anyway. Sometimes it can be a little scary, you know, especially in the city, you know, the situation that I was in. You know, on being on the trail, I always had to be aware of my surroundings, obviously. And but with all the kindness. It totally won out, but there is also times when I was like, okay, you know what? I'm gonna go this way. I am not trusting where, you know, if there's another camp site that was nearby. Yeah, I would keep going. I'd go another couple of miles, even if my feet were screaming at me. Just kind of had a sense. Maybe I never will now if I made the right decision or not. But I just had to follow my gut instinct and just say, okay, just keep going. And so I'd go to the next campsite and hopefully I'd get there before the sun went down. But for the most part, absolutely the kindness, you know, it's prevalent out there.
[00:20:19] That's another really important pieces to listen to your gut. If you're guts kicking up. Right, that's another piece that can really you can talk about that, whether you you. Everybody needs to do that. I think with women, we really need to listen to our intuition. If a situation feels uncomfortable.
[00:20:41] Absolutely. Be aware of your surroundings all the time. You know, and this is not it. Go with your gut, too. If you suspect a friend or co-worker is in trouble. Yeah. And my latest blog on Diageo's from trial to trail.
[00:20:58] I did indicate that, you know, that 800 number is for the victims and for us. That's very suspect. You know, because you don't want. I mean, it's anonymous. You don't have to say your name is who you name is, what you are.
[00:21:15] What's your name is. You look like you're social secure banking details.
[00:21:24] So you don't have to do any of that. And it but you'll want to do it as opposed to say, now, you know, I don't feel comfortable. I don't want to get anyone in trouble. I could be wrong. But you don't want to be right. And then and then regret not making that call later.
[00:21:44] Absolutely. And that's. I'm glad you brought that up, because that is something with when I did the domestic violence awareness campaign and did it here in the state of Maine, but spoke with had a marketing meeting with somebody from each of the resource centers that was part of the main coalition to end domestic violence. And that that pretty much covers the majority of the state. There may be a few resource centers that aren't part of that, but we had one person from each center in this marketing meeting and I said, OK, let's you need to tell me what the messaging should be. And I thought going into this, oh, my God, this could be a cluster of that. Like ten people. I've asked them all to give me their, you know, three top messages. And I'm going to come out of here with like 30 messages. And I would have to try to narrow it down. Well, not even close. They all came up with the same two things. And one of them was about the the lines, the help lines and how they could be utilized because people didn't understand a a big piece was what you just said. People didn't understand that those help lines, whether it's here in Maine or nationally or any place, you know, that you live within your state.
[00:22:51] They are anonymous, but they want. They want the bystanders to call. And as Dee said, they're anonymous. Nobody knows who you are. You don't have to say who the person's name is. You're not getting anybody in trouble. And one of the lines that one of the advocates said in one of our spots, which was so cool, was, if you call, there's no harm you can do. You know, there's no harm you can do. What they're going to do is tell you how you can best help your friend or your loved one. They're going to explain to you how to try to talk to them, because there are certain things you probably that aren't probably beneficial. Right. And you might mean. Well, right. But, you know, my guess is saying, you know, if you don't leave, I'm never going to talk to you again. I mean, they're already isolated, right. And that can be done out of love, right? Like tough love. But there are very certain. Ways that you can help somebody with people that are very well versed, oftentimes probably survivors themselves. Exactly.
[00:23:43] So exactly. Really huge. And, you know, you're opening up the door and it might take several times for you to talk to the victim before she's going to feel comfortable admitting it. And but I think that also what needs to be known as well is that if you can't tell the victim that you're going to be there, you make sure that you're there. You know, you got to put in the time. And I mean, it's that you just can't say, you know, put it out there, yell help and then walk away. Walk away. And I don't. And to be honest with you, I don't think anybody would. You know, if anybody is that concerned, I've probably not had to do that. Right. Right.
[00:24:22] Yeah, it's it's really it's it's so important to just keep the conversation out there. Lay an end by what you did. You know, walking across the country, you had interviews along the way, right? People interviewed you, newspapers you were on. I know you were on my Facebook lives. You were talking with other people and then you were meeting other people who'd experienced this either themselves or somebody they loved, India. And I imagine you've formed quite an interesting sort of collective across the country of people that who knows what things you may collaborate on moving forward or how you might help each other out. Right, exactly.
[00:25:00] Exactly. And, you know, I would like to do something in the future. NDB. And it'd be kind of kind of silly not to. I mean, I I made a commitment, you know, making this doing this walk across country. It'd be kind of silly for me to walk away from that. And I would, you know, by all means like to be able to in some way, you know, in some fashion be a part of DV and seen what I can do to help. And, you know, continue to raise awareness. And it's been.
[00:25:38] I found like one of the it's kind of off the subject a little bit, but I realized that a lot of women confided in me because I was the stranger in town. Sure, I had no connection to them that that the abuser or any relatives. It was very easy for them to talk to me. Yeah. And because they didn't have to worry about. You know me. You know, talking to their neighbor or to a relative and say, you know what she's saying? You know, so and and I think with them being able to talk to me. And when you say it out loud, when you put it out there in the universe, then that can be their first their first step on their trail to freedom.
[00:26:26] That's a hit. That's so true. Just admitting it like you know it, but actually saying it out loud and and in a similar fashion. Isn't it interesting, as I'm talking to you today, that it's just coming up that, you know, every job you had was kind of dissatisfying up until, you know, and you decided to really I mean, this is huge. Like, I'm just like I'm saying screw it to the traditional stuff. I'm just I'm going to walk for like months. I'm going to do this. Right. And and now you're saying you you would like to work in the field of domestic violence prevention. Maybe this journey was about so much in such a huge way. And.
[00:27:08] It's I mean, look at where this is ultimately leading you to writing, satisfying something that is important to you and nobody listening if you know some jobs for dėl, vouch for the girl man. She's determined, right?
[00:27:21] We know she's gotta stick to itiveness. OK. The commitments there. The commitment is there. We know she follows through on projects as a multi-tasker. She can learn new things. It's also really good with technology, blogs, Facebook lives. I can I can I can take a photograph at the same time at a really good photographer. So will we maybe see a book? I'm I'm hoping I.
[00:27:47] There are two or three books that I'm kind of tossing around in my brain. But yeah, there's something. Yeah. I believe that there will be. And it's a matter of me being able to settle down. There's a like a decompressing period after the after a through hike. So I'm trying to work through that. I don't wanna go to the book right now. I don't think I have the focus, the ability to do that at the moment.
[00:28:19] Why? I mean, you only just height to like for how many lines I would get.
[00:28:22] Did you get your shit together? Girl really was going to start in about three hours out of here soon. Do you think you could take more than a week off to it? Up to it? Yeah. Yeah. It's just like I am.
[00:28:36] I am a wicked slow. Your photographs are beautiful, Winick. I just have to bring up. Okay. I know I tease about his all time. Why is your camera named Kevin?
[00:28:48] And who who is your camera named after Kevin for Kevin Costner. And he and I were reunited. Oh, I didn't tell you.
[00:29:00] No. He and I were reunited last weekend. Oh, okay. So explained about. Okay. So you've named your camera, Kevin, after Kevin Costner. Right. And what happened to Kevin? The camera. We don't know what happened. Kevin Costner, although I've been watching him on some Netflix show, he's still really cool. He's hot. He is. Sorry. Not as hard as you. Christian, my husband, but still hot. Ed, so you here you are with Kevin, the camera. Kevin Costner, the camera. Yeah. And what happened? Well, Kevin, he was a little heavy man. I'll get on that Quito day.
[00:29:33] And so I had to send Kevin away to the spot to the spa.
[00:29:45] Kevin James. I couldn't carry Kevin with me with all that gear. Right. So Kevin went away. He went to a home for a while. Yeah. To the institute.
[00:29:55] And and then I got a Kevin Junior sent to me.
[00:30:04] Very nice woman was very kind. And she goes, no hacker should be without a camera. So I got another camera that smaller travel size perfect for hiking. So Kevin, too, came in and to play and I was really happy with that. Now I just trying to get Kevin Senior and Kevin Junior to appreciate each other.
[00:30:24] Yeah. Well, you know, they'll they'll work through. They'll work through the ego. Yeah. Yes. Yes. And learn how to get along in one camera bag.
[00:30:31] If I if I know Kevin.
[00:30:34] Kevin. Yeah. Kevin will be OK. Yeah. Kevin's kind of the cool guy. He is. So d people are elicited to this ago. Oh my God.
[00:30:43] Like she just walked across the country. How Dwight. I could never do something like that. Let's let's talk about before you did it. Was it like I got this covered?
[00:30:55] I'm not even worried about I mean, what was some of that? Because I think people don't always understand that, like when they're listening to somebody who's just done something huge. You know, they feel like maybe it that they could never do something, you know, that they might be thinking of doing. What were some of the feelings you experienced before you left?
[00:31:13] A lot of apprehension and. It was I had never backpacked before, I had never, ever backpacked before.
[00:31:23] I did not know where I was thinking to myself.
[00:31:28] But she was part of a hiking club in high school. Now, you weren't me either. That's why I didn't see you there.
[00:31:35] Now, I had never backpacked before. I mean, other than day hikes.
[00:31:39] I mean, seriously, my day hikes consisted of a little backpack with maybe a little box of wine in it. And so that was that was my report. Yeah. So that that was the extent. And so I was very unprepared. I do not. If anybody wants to do this, do not do it my way. I did not train well at all. And as the time was drawing closer, I was starting to panic because I started. What? Because you could find anything on YouTube these days. So I started, you know, looking up, hiking on YouTube and I started going into Lake Full on panic attacks. I had to stop watching even though I was learning from them. I had to stop watching because they totally freaked me out.
[00:32:24] And so I would say, you know, if you can do something as big as this, obviously you want to, you know, get the right gear. You do want to do some training. I mean, my training my training consisted of walking around the Rose Bowl, which was maybe nine miles a day. And yeah, that was the extent of it. But nothing with the weight on, you know, no backpack or anything. So I was I was horrible. I would be a horrible teacher.
[00:32:55] So don't do it my way. But sometimes, Doug, you just have to do it like sometimes you just have to kind of throw yourself into it. Well, yeah.
[00:33:03] And I think what really pushed me, because at one point, this one friend, she kept telling me time and time again, if you're only out there for five days, it's OK to quit.
[00:33:17] And then she'd be like, if you're only out there for a week and a half, it's OK to quit. And this went on and on.
[00:33:23] And I'm like, screw you. You know, I'm doing this. Easy to say. Yeah, I can't quit. Now, in the middle of the country, I go to Harvard to get anywhere. So how how ready? What was the actual like the time, you know?
[00:33:36] How many months were you actually hiking? Seven months.
[00:33:39] Yeah. Yeah. I now start writing a book today in three hours. It was only seven months. Only seven months.
[00:33:49] Yeah. But you know, because I did it just because of the FT issues and the knee injuries that I had. There's some parts I just I simply could not walk. And so, I mean, I you know, I hitchhiked when I had to when I wanted to. And the thing is, this is kind of funny is that the pedometer on my phone was wrong. I didn't realize until I hit Maryland that the pedometer was always wrong. I was shorting me three to five miles each day. So when I thought I was going only 10 or 12 miles, I was actually going from anywhere from 13 to 18. Oh, wow. And I didn't realize it was a man. You'd think I'd be accustomed to this by now. So. And those other when I did my steps. And then the other ones when I did 18 and 19 miles. You know I do. In twenty or twenty. Yeah. Yeah. So I had no idea until I hit Maryland. And like all this freaking time.
[00:34:47] Yeah. I did beat myself up for only go up 15. Why exactly.
[00:34:53] And I just say. And but that's just the way it is, you know. But yeah, that was kind of comical like some of it. So was it worth it? Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, I there are the naysayers, you know, people that didn't believe I could do it. People judging me because I had been kind of bullied a little bit on some social and social media saying that I was a cheater saying that. Oh, yeah. I don't I I don't.
[00:35:22] I never got the rulebook on how to. Hi, rule book of your of your journey. Thank you. By other people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You cheater.
[00:35:30] You took rides in like. Yeah. Because I was hitchhiking and I had blisters on top of blisters on top of blisters and my my arches were collapsing. Yeah. You know, once in a while I decided. But you know, a couple of people were bullying me and I'm like, you know. Yeah. So what if I stopped and had a beer?
[00:35:51] Get up. Get up behind the keyboard activism and take a walk around the block. Yes. Right. Exactly.
[00:35:59] So that was that was very off putting. I mean, it really upset me. I remember talking to a couple of people about that. And they just like you said, it's your journey. How do you cheat on your own jury?
[00:36:11] I mean, you went across the country one way or the other. You said you're going to do. And most importantly, you did what you said. To do, which was to spread awareness about domestic violence. So that was the key piece. And what were your top? What do you think your top couple of lessons learned for yourself?
[00:36:33] I think we touched on a little bit before. Is how how resourceful I could be under under, you know, strenuous circumstances. You know, I just. OK. You know, it's kind of find a how a calm will take over when you're in the throes of chaos. And I think that helped me, though. That I impressed myself with that one. You know, it's like, OK, all right. I was very clear thinking and I was able to process, OK, this is what I need to do. The post offices open. You know, I do that. So, I mean, there are other circumstance, you know, other things that happen like that. You know, first panic hits you. And then a calmness takes over. And aid learned to trust that, you know. And so as long as I trusted the calm, then I could proceed and go ahead.
[00:37:26] So you learned to trust yourself? Yeah. That's huge. It is. Kind of really is huge. Yeah. You know, because we if we don't put ourselves outside of our comfort zones and you really put yourself outside the big time zone, if you don't do that, you don't know what you're capable of. Right. So do you. I imagine not to put words in your mouth, but you must feel is capable of so much more than you thought you were capable of eight months ago.
[00:37:51] Oh, yeah, I would think so. A friend of mine texted me towards the end of the journey saying, you know, you really should be proud of yourself. And I'm I I don't feel that way. I'm I'm I'm humbled that I was able to do what I could do. And I. I put myself on this journey. Nobody put me there. I'm not you know, it's there's so many, like I said, parallels with victims of domestic violence. And what I was doing, I chose this journey. A woman doesn't decide to date or marry somebody that's going to beat the crap out of her. You know, that's not, you know, there. While there are parallels. I chose this. And that's why I call it a humbling journey, because I chose to do it. And I did it the way I wanted to do it. You know, a victim of domestic violence, you know, she wants to be married and live happily ever after and have that. And she has to fight to reclaim her life. Yeah. So, no, I mean, I wouldn't say I'm proud. Now, I would say I'm more humbled.
[00:38:58] Well, I get that. But you should be proud because it's a frickin huge. It is. Ed, what advice do you have? For the daughters of change out there listening.
[00:39:10] That's it, that's a big question. I would say I would say I think going back to what we just talked about. Listen to your gut. Listen to your instinct and trust yourself.
[00:39:23] That's beautiful. Trust yourself. You hear that daughters have changed. Trust yourself. Trust yourself. So, Dee, Mary, how do we connect and support you? I can't think of one way. If you don't bring it up, I will. But how can we connect and support you? Connect and supporting me? How are the movement for domestic violence awareness? What?
[00:39:44] I mean, maybe that's it now. I would.
[00:39:47] I you know what we're saying before. How could I foresee my future doing something with domestic violence? And I want this journey to continue that dagos from trial to trial. I want to see that go forward. I want to see that get bigger. And so that I can be, you know, have my hands into the mix and continue to raise awareness for domestic violence.
[00:40:13] Like I said, it's not a cookie cutter disease. I mean, this is something that is huge and it comes in from so many different angles. And.
[00:40:24] And we need to make people more aware of all the different angles in which it comes in so that we can get it can finally get rid of it.
[00:40:32] So we're going to make sure that in the show notes that people know how to get a hold of you. Perfect. If there's anybody out there listening that wants to help to grow this beautiful movement and mission that Deah's started with dagos from trial to trail. Maybe you're somebody that knows of a job that might be great for D in this arena and you're pretty open to where you would live. Maybe, maybe not. But you know. Yeah. Can discuss that. And also. If there's any publishers out there that want to kick ass book because I'm going to make her start writing it tomorrow.
[00:41:12] And at what way I could think of if anybody knows Kevin Costner, I can say this now. I'm not trying to like fix D we can cause I think he's Mary and, you know, D may have a special someone. But I really think that the fact that she named her camp camera, Kevin beat that moment again, man, cause she thinks he's cool. She you know, she reunited with him. She has a Kevin Junior now just for that, if we could connect them. So, baby, they could at least meet and have their picture taken with Kevin and Kevin Junior. Exactly. No, I don't think that's much dance. Yeah.
[00:41:46] And you know, and maybe Kevin, once they make D book into a movie, you can play the camera or you could have a bigger role.
[00:41:57] You can. You can you can be the voice of the camera. Yeah. I could also be the person that like carries you along the trail. We could put that into it, but only if it like. Yeah. Yeah. However everybody's comfortable. But anyway so we have some ideas there. Okay. So. Well before we sign off D. Any final thoughts or words.
[00:42:16] I just really want to thank everybody for the incredible love, support and prayers for me on this entire crazy, lovely journey that I've been on without, you know, not just financial, but for those that are praying for me, those that just were there for me emotionally. Those strangers they met on the trail, that I would just burst into tears with that. And they didn't know really why, but they were just kind enough just to stop and ask me if I was okay. And but just. Yes, seriously, it was now all the love in the light that came came to me during this whole time ever. You know, because of that, I made it.
[00:42:55] And I'm just forever, forever be so grateful and to live with. You know, in gratitude because of that.
[00:43:07] Thank you for listening to this week's episode of the Daughters of Change podcast. To learn more about today's guest or any of our previous guests, you can visit Daughters of Change dot com forward slash podcast. You can connect with Daughters of Change on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram by searching those platforms for Daughters of Change. If you are a daughter of change yourself and would like to appear on the show, send me an email at Marae at. Daughters of Change dot com. Thanks again for taking the time to listen today.
[00:43:39] Take care.